so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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