There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
