My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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