his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
