Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
