dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
