Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
