Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
