I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
