If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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