thanks...oh and i got my period
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra