just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...