Is that why you're texting me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.