Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.