Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?