your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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