a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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