After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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