And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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