I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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