Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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