I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
