remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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