i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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