If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
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Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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