Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I looked at my own cervix.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
