she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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