he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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