I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
love makes seman taste better
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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