Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize