I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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