she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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