what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
