Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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