So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
