Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
