Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
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dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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