I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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