don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
