Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
