508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
