How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize