hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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