So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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