Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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