I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
