My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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