what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
