no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
