i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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