i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
