Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
