Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
