I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
