I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
