Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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