Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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