Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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