WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
