so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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