So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the day after is always just damage control
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
