I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
