Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
