Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
