I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
