"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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