At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
